Are you real? (writen by AZEHR)

(Note: This writer just want to use pen name, due to the sensitivity of her topics. She doesn't want any perverts attentions. A very good friend & a nice person - ed)

You could never imagine the pain i feel,
when i start to question what is real......

I have this fear of never being satisfied, i can't find stable happiness
believe me, i've tried.
Please know it's not easy, thinking I might live life until i die,
wondering if i'll ever be satisfied.
Who else could I blame myself for my insecurity?

Sometimes i hate my cynicism, which only results in vacillation,
i get caught in the whirlwind that circulates through my mind.

i take a breath and try to concentrate,
to make sure my emotions don't instigate....
the result being a decision i might regret,
or suffer for down the line,

look at the monster I've created in my mind.

When my heart skips a beat and words pause with hesitation,
it's just my overactive imagination;

that constant fear of the future
and what will happen to me.

i'm uncomfortable having so much emotion

why can't it be more simple,
it's my only insecurity,

You.....not being true to me.

this whole reality
seems so incessant

and all this perfection
just makes me hesitant,

just so perfect
how can it be?
that someone so grounded like you
found someone so mixed up like me?

i say these things not just to flatter you.
You know i mean it,

your forever on my mind
I know a man like you isn't easy to find.

But now I have come to a fork in the road,
Where I must no longer carry that load,
Ease the burden off my shoulders

and try not to leave a scar